Those of you who know me are well aware of the fact that I have never had the desire to have children. These feelings surfaced in my early teens when I would pick up baby sitting gigs for neighbourhood kids. I couldn't stand the kids that I watched and did it solely as a means to an end...I was too young to get a part-time job and the desire for shoes was strong in me and I needed the cash to fund my budding habit. People would advise me, "oh you will feel different when you are an adult -- kids are great".
So then I hit my twenties and my friends started having children. I was now suppose to believe that kids were great. If you are a parent you may want to stop reading here. It turns out that some kids were tolerable but others, not so much. To be perfectly frank, after attending a kids show with my friend Marie, I came to the conclusion that some children are downright little ass holes. (Parents, you were warned). People would advise me, "oh it's different when they are your own". That old adage that people have been telling themselves throughout time in order to keep the human race going.
As I reached my thirties I did start to have some maternal pangs. I got a Chihuahua and all was good. People advised me "oh you haven't met the right man". But in the modern world if you really want to have kids, you don't actually need a man, just access to his man juice. So if I actually did want kids, I could have them.
As I mentioned earlier, I have been a little preoccupied lately. I had a biopsy not to long ago which has been weighing on my mind. I am beyond relieved to say that the results came back negative. I thank my lucky stars today and from this day forward for being one of the lucky ones. Unfortunately I know way too many people who have not shared my good fortune. I in no way mean to undermine those who have received a prognosis as fortunate as mine, but I am still in shock about what transpired between me and my OB/GYN yesterday.
As I waited in his office my mind was racing. The doctor came into the exam room and greeted me and said "So, do you want any more children?"
My mind went into overdrive...OMG is this some bizarre way he is trying to tell me that I'm dying???...is he trying to soften the blow???....hey wait a minute, what does he mean by any more children..????
"Um....I don't have any children...."
"I thought you had a little one?"
This set off a barrage of interrogation style questions about why I didn't have children, if I wanted children, did I ever want them, and why didn't I want them. I was waiting for him to shine that little light they use in your cervix on my face a-la gestapo style. After informing him that I did not only did I not have to justify my choice, it had nothing to do with the issue at hand, he said curtly
"Well, your biopsy was negative."
I can't believe that I not only was being judged by a physician on my choice of lifestyle, but he had the audacity to delay my prognosis in order to push his own agenda. Perhaps there is a slump in the baby business and this was his brand of cold calling to increase his output?
I don't expect everyone to understand my choice. Even my friends who are mothers who probably can't fathom my decision. But they accept it, don't judge and support me right or wrong. The same goes for them. Although you would have to hold a gun to my head to ever get me to a Disney on Ice event, I listen to them talk about motherhood - the good and the bad - and although I can't totally understand what it like to walk in their shoes I accept them, don't judge and support them right or wrong.
That's life. Different strokes for different folks. Some kids are great. Some kids are ass holes. Some of these ass hole kids even grow up to be OB/GYN's.